Example of analysis of an argument essay: score 3
Last updated: 13 Oct 2008
The following is part of a business plan of an investment firm:
"Studies indicate that the average person exercises less as he gets older. At the same time, the number of hours a person spends watching television tends to increase as he ages. Since the percentage of senior citizens in the population will increase over the next two decades, we ought to, therefore, consider selling our shares in Runrite shoes in order to increase our investment in the Worldwide Television Co."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusions.
The author concludes that he must invest in a television co. because he forecasts an higher percentage of old citizens in the population that spend their time watching television rather than practising sport.
The argument is unconvincing because it is based upon 2 assumptions. The first one is that in the future it will be an increase of senior population probably based on what it's happened during last years. It's flaw because we don't know anything about the evidence of this assumption and also we don't know anything about the birth rate. With the improvement of the health care everybody can hope to live up to 100 years old, but if the economy grows well, everybody hopes in the future making a lot of sons!
Secondly the author assumes that for an old person there are only two options: either practising sport or watching television. An old man can spend his time travelling, reading, studying or making something else rather than watching television.
The argument could be streghtened with a survey of the habbits of senior citizens. In this way we can understand better what are the tastes of the old people, we can focus on what are the preferred activies and who is the supplier.
Comments
This essay receives a 3.
The author makes some intelligent observations and criticisms of the argument in question, and indeed, the organization of the essay/critique is logical and convincing.
The English, however, needs some improvement. There are too many spelling mistakes and unidiomatic passages that interfere with the meaning (for example, "With the improvement of the health care everybody can hope to live up to 100 years old, but if the economy grows well, everybody hopes in the future making a lot of sons!" What?).
Our advice: spend more time editing after you finish writing.
